used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Floor bacon is actually really good
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
