Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
