Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
