Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
