Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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