oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
