If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Two words: nipple clamps
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