Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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