yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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