Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
