I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
