There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
