So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
