Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
