I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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