i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
