May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
