Already got asked if we're dating
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm really into asian looking animals
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
