I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
