Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
