don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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