I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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