We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
