Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
