I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
