I wish my penis had an off switch
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
