Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
