I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
