she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
