I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
