I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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