she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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