He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
