how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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