At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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