im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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