I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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