i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
