well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
