Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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