yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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