He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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