I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
