atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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