Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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