i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
