eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
