My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I party with great urgency now.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
