Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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