He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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