I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
